Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
