Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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