you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
