I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize