I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
