I wish my penis had an off switch
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
no, he came in my armpit
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
