I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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