Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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