Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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