all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
