I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
