You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No subtext here. People are naked.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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