hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
