So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
vagina is talking i cant
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
