it was like his penis was on wheels.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
