Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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