I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't turn off my feet"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
