Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
