He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
