So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
birth control should be required to get into college
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
