I wanna passion pit in your ass
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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