Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
