i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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