She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
