1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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