Old men and throwing up are my life now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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