i jhust puked up my retainher.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
