i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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