I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
