Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
