Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
