Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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