I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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