Me. At least after what I've been through.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
