My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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