is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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