Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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