can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
