So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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