My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
