You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
