Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
