he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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