Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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