My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
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Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
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I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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