Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
