What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This baby is an asshole
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
