I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
