He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
