Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
