Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Drunk is not a location!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
