Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
