You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
