I wish I could punch you in the face.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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