Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
