I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
