Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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