News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
