Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
