we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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