Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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