i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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