i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
