if you like me you must not know who I am
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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