Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
