nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
