i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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