Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
