She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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