i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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