Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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